I’m going to call them …


mousedom.jpg

Sitting there, as I often do, holding a greasy shāwarmā in my hand and trying to click the mouse button with the least dirty of all my fingers, I got to thinking: “Surely, non-Muslims don’t find eating whilst surfing the net as challenging as I do?”

Obviously it’d be easy to dismiss all that follows by suggesting that I eat and then surf but some of us like to read whilst we eat – hence the invention of cereal boxes.

The crux of the problem for me is the multiple demands upon my right hand. This is further compounded by a hopeless impatience for doing one task after the other.

You see I have two conflicting needs, or rules, to obey here:

1) I’m Muslim therefore I always eat with my right hand.

The Messenger of Allāh (salla Allāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“When any one of you eats, let him eat with his right hand, and when he drinks, let him drink with his right hand, because the Shaytān eats with his left hand and drinks with his left hand.” (Reported by Muslim, 3764)

2) I’m right-handed and so I’ve set up my PC so that my mouse is ergonomically located in a position that facilitates ease of use for my right hand.

Now, this dual demand over what my right hand should be doing at any one time often results in grease, ketchup and/or curry (of varying strengths) getting smeared onto my mouse along with its various buttons.

I can just about overpower the urge to write whilst I eat (so my keyboard buttons are relatively safe) but have been less than successful suppressing the desire to eat-n-read.

If I finish reading a particular webpage, post or article before I’ve fully consumed my burger, I feel compelled to search for something else to accompany me for the remaining bites, fries and Coke; invariably reaching for my mouse with less than clean fingers.

Now, the reason I don’t think that non-Muslims are as frequently left wiping their mice with tissues after they’ve finished eating is because there’s no compulsion for a non-Muslim to eat with any particular hand.

Your average non-Muslim munching on a chicken leg simply uses one hand for the poultry and the other for the mouse.

So being the reflective genius that I am, I decided that what the world’s Muslim online community really needs are… Mousedoms.

mousedoms-logo.jpg

Mousedoms are plastic disposable mouse-gloves that you slip over your cursor-mover whenever dinner has been served. Giving you the complete freedom to navig-eat (this’ll be one of my marketing buzzwords to help sell the product) the web.

See the picture at the top of this post for a vague idea as to how they’ll look.

When you’ve finished your meal you simply remove the Mousedom, throw it in the bin and then can carry on surfing (I assume that you’ll wash your hands first).

Simple, effective and addressing a real community need!

But, I hear you ask, why post your idea for this fantastic new product on your blog when you haven’t even applied for the patent yet?

Well, I’m hoping that whoever comes here and sees this idea for the little goldmine that it potentially is, will agree to my conditions for permitting them to do all the work to produce, market and sell it.

Firstly, I want 50% of all future profits made after this product hits the streets (don’t bother me for any of the production costs, etc).

Secondly, I want a life long personal supply for my own use (made in a variety of different colours, patterns and textures).

Oh yeah, and you have to put a link to my blog on the packaging somewhere giving me full credit for the idea.

So if you’re a budding entrepreneur and you’re reading this feel free to contact me when you’re ready to make the first payment for my Mousedom idea (don’t hassle me with any of the preamble up to the first sales, I’m just an ideas man you can do all the donkey work).

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36 Comments

Filed under The World Through My Eyes

36 responses to “I’m going to call them …

  1. My work laptop is a mess! It’s an iBook as well (i.e., all white), so the mess is even more obvious. I don’t have time to go to the canteen to eat my lunch, so i eat at my desk, and i too, must navig-eat. Plus i don’t have a mouse, so your inappropriately-named product (it sounds like a murine contraceptive) would be of no use to me. 😦

  2. No mouse?!

    Do you survive with just the touchpad? I really cannot stomach touchpads at all (it hampers my creativity in Paint, plus click and dragging is a nightmare). I must have owned my laptop for only about 10 minutes before I opted to go back to the shop and purchase a mouse.

    Sorry about the name of my product I struggled to think of something better. I’m open for other name suggestions but there’s no cut of the profit on offer though.

  3. soulscripture

    Subhan’Allah!

    Bro u sure u don’t have OCD? 😐

    You could call it Mouse-Veil…and have a ‘lil veiled mouse on the logo innit? make it look like a muslims idea atleast… :-s

  4. soulscripture

    🙂

    Get a Mousedom free with every poppadom…available from a indian takeaway newar u…

    wot a line…and i want atleast 1% cut for that…

  5. RE: OCD

    Well I haven’t been diagnosed as yet.

    I’m hoping it’s just me going stir crazy because I’ve been house bound for the past two weeks with my knee injury.

    Other things that have been bugging me in my recent solitude have been:

    Why did my bathroom towel smell like popcorn one morning?

    Did the person who invented ring pulls ever cut his nails? If you don’t believe me how annoying this is then cut your nails and immediately try to open a can of coke.

    Couldn’t he have just included a kind of raised spoiler effect on the ring pull to accommodate such eventualities?

  6. The Mouse-veil name might work, I’m just concerned that it doesn’t sound disposable.
    That’s a good pitch giving them away free with Indian takeaways! I might be prepared to cut you in on 0.25% of the profit only on the condition that you find and negotiate the deal with the curry houses.

  7. AbdulHasib

    hmm you know you better be careful and put a Disclaimer at the end of that post.

    I almost can assure someone reading that, sitting back, and going “hmmm.. well if it might get me into Saudi..” ..ha.

    And about marketing, I’d suggest take a page out of Wal Mart’s book, focus on the Asian Subcontinent. It’s the new ‘land of opportunity,’ (well not much for new… but there IS opportunity). Also, according to recent blog posts on Hood’s discussions on “risk” management in islamic business ventures (not to be confused with Rizq Management the amazing Al Maghrib class on Fiqh ul ‘Ibaadah III), your success rate at duping someone to actually go for it could nearly be guaranteed.

    Now if only we get each Mousedom (UK)/Mouse-veil (US) to not look like you just wrapped in a plastic bag…

    Oh as for pragmatic solutions:
    – Surely one can adjust the mouse for left handed usage.

    Or rather… that may entail opening a new can of worms and requiring a fiery fiqh discourse and edict regarding not only the permissibility, but the prefer-ability of using a mouse with a left hand.

    And truly.. wa hadha Allahu ‘Alam
    -)

  8. AbdulHasib

    oh and on a serious note:

    AsalAllahul ‘adheem rabul ‘arshil ‘adheem ayyashfeek.

    May Allah cure you.

    Tahoorun la ba’s.

    shoot me an email btw if you get a chance, I’d love to catch up sometime -).

    WAs-salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatAllah

  9. SubhanAllah…

    May Allah have mercy on you and raise your rank in this life and the akhirra. May He (subhana wa’tala) grant you shifa’a and forgiveness. Ameen.

    btw: Im willing to take 0.5%…for the pitch….AS LONG as the plastic bags (oops i mean the inventions) are either biodegradeable or recyclable 🙂

  10. PS: I prefer opening cans when i have no nails…less risk of splitage/breakage/painage…

    yes i know thats not a word…but its late…

  11. Now if only we get each Mousedom (UK)/Mouse-veil (US) to not look like you just wrapped in a plastic bag

    AS LONG as the plastic bags (oops i mean the inventions) are either biodegradeable or recyclable

    Will you two stop giving away my manufacturing secrets? I’m trying to make some money here!

    But thanks for, and amīn to, the du’as.

    AbdulHasib, I’ll try and send you an email later today insha‘ Allah.

  12. soulscripture

    Silence has a price too…. say 1%?

  13. soulscripture

    Asalam Alaykum wahrehmatullahi wahbarakatuhu

    Please remember my beloved aunt in your dua’as…
    after a long period of on and off illness, she’s been diagnosed with advanced liver cancer …. there is nothing anyone can do now except leave it to Allah, and make dua’a for her insha’Allah
    May Allah subhana wa’tala be pleased with her, ease her suffering in this dunya , expiate her sins, and raise her rank in the akhirra…Ameen

    Jazakhum’Allahu Khairun…

    Walykum Asalam Wa Rahmtu Allah Wa Barkatuh…

  14. wa ‘alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    Just letting you know that I’m doing as you asked.

  15. You’re a strange chap. Strange in a good way of course

  16. Strange in a good way of course.

    I’m also good in a strange way.

  17. I’m also good in a strange way.

    But immodest, in a bad way.

    I really cannot stomach touchpads at all

    For heavens sake, man, you’re not meant to eat the blasted things, what-what!

    & yes, i do “survive” with just the touchpad… but i only use the iBook at work. At home i have an iMac, with a mouse, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. But i don’t eat at my desk at home. In fact, i rarely eat in my bedroom, at all.

  18. Hmm! Is that a double negative?

    If I’m bad at being immodest, does that therefore mean I’m actually modest?

    I just googled iBook as I’m totally ignorant about Apple stuff. Masha’ Allah it looks really groovy (I seem to be going through an adjective dry patch at the moment, can’t seem to think of the word I wanted).

    I’m still having difficulty coming to terms with someone actually liking using a touchpad though *scratches head*

  19. If I’m bad at being immodest, does that therefore mean I’m actually modest?

    Well, yes, but i wasn’t saying you were being bad at being immodest, but rather that being immodest is bad, and hence, it was a bad… way? Umm…

    Anyway.

    I don’t think the line ‘iBook’ exists anymore… i think they have been replaced by MacBooks. I’m sure they’re still just as “groovy” though, inshallah. 🙂

  20. Hey, that picture reminds of Electronic Battleships from my childhood *sigh*

    I think I shall use the word “Schmooth!” to describe how MacBooks look.

    Yes, I’ll concede that it was an immodest statement but I was just trying to play with the word order rather than assert holiness for my defective self.

  21. Battleships? *cough*nerd*cough*

    {innocent look}

  22. soulscripture

    i second that….battleships = definitely nerdy!!!

  23. Hey, I said “childhood” not my “teens.”

    I wasn’t even into double figure (age-wise) when I played that. I thought nerd-ism was a state of being brought to the public’s attention through a person’s choice of recreation in their teens.

    I mean, in my [early] teens I was playing Dungeon & Dragons, so surely that’ll debunk this alleged nerd-ism.

  24. soulscripture

    ahhhh…… undercover nerd….

    i see…. it all makes sense now 🙂

  25. ahhhh…… undercover nerd….

    Yeah… undercover. Ahem. 😀

  26. Undercover nerd? Come on – its so overt :p

  27. Omg, I love Battleship! I even play it on Yahoo! Games sometimes (lovely sound fx even). It’s hard to get *friends* to play with you. They always want to play Pool, when I’d rather play Literati. Oh the other game that’s really super is Risk!

    Anyway, when I first read your post on GReader (greeder!), I was bent on foiling your plan by simply pointing out that it is from the etiquette of eating that you put away your reading material. But oh well, I couldn’t find anything. And a search on my brain resulted in a possible lesson on the adab of knowledge instead where you respect what you’re reading. Which falls under general recommended manners that come from Muslim scholars rather than Islam itself anyhow.

    I like eating in front of the PC. But now I make sure to schedule video-watching during mealtime so look ma, no hands! Might turn into a swivel chair potato eh. Besides, I cleverly maneuver (eeks didn’t know how to spell that, but is this the yank way?) my mouse using my left hand.

    I know it looks like I have a personal vendetta (vendetta! vendetta! vendetta por mi papa!) against the success of your ingenious plan, but somebody’s gotta play devil’s advocate to ensure ’tis foolproof no.

    Bet you cursor-hovered over my name to see if I’d switched over to the dark side eh. (MP logo is blue over white whereas WP logo is white on black, get it?)

    Last but certainly not least, Akismet. What say you, we be friends? Come on… *nudge*

  28. Hmm, but I get the same problem with videos too. 😦

    For some reason my laptop gets uppity at video clips that exceed 40 seconds in length and often refuses to play “long” YouTube clips for me. So, I invariably end up watching multiple short clips during a single eating session.

    Sorry, Akismet is still convinced you’re a spammer, even though I emailed them protesting such stereotyping. Plus, they’ve also just sat on that last comment for two days before it even showed up as spam.

    Is there no end to their victimisation of you?

  29. OK, I’ve researched a bit more into my alleged nerdiness and apparently I’m only “lightly nerdy.”

    My nerd score 44
    “Lightly nerdy”
    What’s yours?

    Now, who wants a game of Battleships?

  30. Ok, now that is the biggest load of bakwas ever ….

    ahem…nerd score 75%….

    its a FIX!

  31. I quote:

    Your nerdiness is:

    Mid-Level Nerd. Wow, it takes a lot of hard nerdy practice to reach this level.

    So in my defence… alhamdulillah im not a complete nerd 😉

  32. Awww, I scored 41. 😦 I’d picked “Had to prove that I was nerdier than someone else”.

    Anyway, this serves as a test comment too.

  33. WOOHOO! It worked! Oh, and yeah, I’m hooked on this online jigsaw site, so no battleship for me.

  34. I think my lack of knowledge of the periodic table let me down.

    Soulscripture, 75 and you’re not considered a complete nerd?! Yup, it does sound like a fix.

    Editor, you’ve now been accepted into the WordPress community. Your days as a suspected spammer are now over.

    Maybe we should hold some sort of press conference for you where you can explain the pressure that these false allegations put you under and how you didn’t receive any compensation from Akismet.

  35. i did it again to see if it was a fluke…

    i got 93%….

    so now…i officially need to check into a psych clinic….

    be back in a few days inshaAllah….

    😦

  36. Lo0o0o0oL

    u guyz r funny!

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